New Years Eve 2020
That was the day. The day she left. The day she decided the new me was not worth fighting for.
The new me is just the same old me. I pulled the curtain open. I showed her who I actually was. My mind took over recently. It’s my biggest quirk.
I’m too emotional.
When I’m feeling good things are great. It’s the in between that is the problem. I seem to only have one emotion available at a time.
The emotions are moods. The transition of which takes time. They can change suddenly without warning. I couldn’t imagine living with someone that doesn’t express different emotions without changing their mood.
She left emotionally. I’m going through the grief as we speak.
I was on the rise recently. I was feeling elated. We were leaving 2020 behind us. If only we could survive till the new year.
Could it be salvaged? Could she see that I could change for the better?
The changes recently were that I recognized my behavior. I recently recognized why. This recognition made me aware that I could control the behavior. Whether physical behavior or emotional behavior.
We need our own space.
We humans need space. We do not all have the same interests or priorities. To be in the same space isolated may as well be solitary confinement.
Both people may begin to resent the other for violating their alone time. So it seems in this sense being alone is the same as being permanently attached to one another.
I’m afraid. “That emotion”…
I hate it
That emotion is evil to the mind.
That’s why New Years eve is so important. It is the start of something new. A new year with resolutions. Changes you want to complete.
There is hope.
A hope that you can leave everything behind. To start over.
Will it work?
Moving out emotionally? Moving back in for the new year? This is the time to find out. The start of a new year. A new year in a new light.
A light that gives the hope this pandemic can become behind us.
“The pandemic?” You may ask.
Yes, the pandemic has changed us all in this world. This change has not only been in my home. It has been in every home and every mind in the world.
Some of our minds are more fragile than others.
My mind had soft spots. Other parts are hard as a rock. The hard parts are what makes me feel great about myself. My intelligence and intellect. My abilities to be able to troubleshoot, assess situations, and repair things. These abilities are more prevalent when repairing machinery or technology. With relationships and society? Not so much
To assess relationships and society as a whole is very complicated. Machines do not have moods although we say they do.
The mower is being crabby.
It isn’t crabby and it is easy to why the machine isn’t working right.
We as humans are animals. We have behave feelings and emotions. We are not always in tune with one another.
I’m optimistic .
I have hope. The hope that there can be a difference in the New Year. The hope that the world can be better. The hope that this pandemic has shown that we all have flaws. We are all vulnerable whether physically, mentally, or emotionally.
I would love .
I would love for her to see that the world can change and we all can be better.
The hope of love.
I realize we don’t know what will happen in the New Year. We can, If we allow it, recognize that it is happening. When we are aware of the problem we are able to control it.
Hope everyone has a Happy New Year.
New Years Day 2021
That was the day. The day the world changed.