Today I was in a therapy session. In the session we were going through some paperwork. I was asked about prior frequencies of illness. When I answered the question I recalled the situation which caused my severe anxiety.
I was alone.
Everytime I have mental issues beyond my normal behavior I was alone. I say normal behavior. My normal is different than most people. As you get to know me you may understand the differences.
The fear of being alone. Not loneliness but just being by oneself. Even in a normally safe place such as at home.
I never really put it into the context of a phobia. This wasn’t until I noticed my behavior these last 2 months.
I was home alone for 2 weeks. Shortly after I was home alone another 2 weeks. I wanted to escape. I wanted to leave. I wanted to just be by somebody. Anybody.
This same pattern happened years ago and the doctors, friends, and family brushed it off as just being manic or bipolar.
If I am fine when I am with another person but an anxious fearful mess without, can’t we do the math?
Some people think I want illnesses. They think that I want to have labels. This is far from the truth.
The more I identify the cause of my illnesses and phobias I have a greater understanding of why.
When we know the why we can work on the how.
How to cope and how to treat.
That’s just a little insight on the book of me. It’s an open book. Enjoy the read inside of me.