Today I was in a therapy session. In the session we were going through some paperwork. I was asked about prior frequencies of illness. When I answered the question I recalled the situation which caused my severe anxiety.

I was alone.

Everytime I have mental issues beyond my normal behavior I was alone. I say normal behavior. My normal is different than most people. As you get to know me you may understand the differences.

Monophobia:

The fear of being alone. Not loneliness but just being by oneself. Even in a normally safe place such as at home.

I never really put it into the context of a phobia. This wasn’t until I noticed my behavior these last 2 months.

I was home alone for 2 weeks. Shortly after I was home alone another 2 weeks. I wanted to escape. I wanted to leave. I wanted to just be by somebody. Anybody.

This same pattern happened years ago and the doctors, friends, and family brushed it off as just being manic or bipolar.

If I am fine when I am with another person but an anxious fearful mess without, can’t we do the math?

Some people think I want illnesses. They think that I want to have labels. This is far from the truth.

The more I identify the cause of my illnesses and phobias I have a greater understanding of why.

When we know the why we can work on the how.

How to cope and how to treat.

That’s just a little insight on the book of me. It’s an open book. Enjoy the read inside of me.